Ee Vasudha

Yet one more year is coming to a close. Has it been a good one for you? 2023 was a hard one for me. I clung to my faith for strength. I honestly don’t know how people without faith manage! Thankfully, I have made it safely to the end of this year with God’s blessings. I am sharing my story with you, my dear readers, in the hope that those with major health issues may take heart from it. It’s a long story; if you only want the music, just jump on to the end!

This post is about me and so is the picture. Taken in October 2023, in front of Ma Durga.

But first, a very Happy New Year to all of you! May the good Gods bless us all!

17 May 2023
I am aware of being aware. Nothing more. I hear some voices. They sound familiar. My daughter “Can she hear us?”. Then a stranger’s voice “Yes, speak to her, it will do her good“. My husband “Suja..Suja“. My daughter’s hand strokes my bare shoulder. Bare? Why? Her voice “You are okay“. Was I not? I say something it seems. Then I fade out.

Pain. A stranger’s gentle presence. An angel wipes my forehead. I can feel her kindness radiating through. A name – Daisy. More pain. The night comes and goes in a hazy fog. Did I exist?

18 May 2023
Very early in the morning my awareness drifts back, much stronger this time. Daisy is buzzing about. “Oh Good, you are awake!” she says “Drink some water“. She wipes me down, brushes my hair. I am like a child, reborn. I am told later that my son visits me, but I have no recollection.

The nursing shift changes. Lou is another angel. She says I have to sit up in a chair for a while. It is torturous even with all the drugs. My surgeon comes with reassuring words, so does the physician in charge. My husband stays the whole day. He seems weary. Yesterday he sat in the waiting area from 1 pm when they took me in to prep for surgery to 9 pm when they wheeled me out to ICU. There were some complications it seems. Waiting is hard.

That day they take me to Radiology. Two nurses help me down off the bed and stand me up for the X-Ray. For a few seconds I have to stand without support. The agony! A second X-Ray, sideways this time. I stand, my gown gaping open at the back, holding up a bag of urine, tubes draining at my feet, in so much pain that tears stream down my face of their own volition. A low point. After that, the world fades away into a haze. I have family visitors, but I can’t remember much. At some point they transfer me from ICU to a ward.

19 May 2023
I wake up at 3 am in pain. I have a button for self-medicating morphine, but it does not help. The nurse comes in with more heavy weight drugs. It is a day of pain. I do get up to go to the bathroom but afterwards I have uncontrollable shivers. My son comes in with his wife and baby. I try to put on a smiling face. I receive phone calls. But the pain is still acute. I just want to be left alone in my misery.

20 May 2023
A better day. The pain is much reduced. The physio comes and makes me walk to the door of the room and back; the effort drains me, and I fall asleep in exhaustion. My daughter comes in for a visit. Just one month left for her delivery. She looks as exhausted as I am!

I think back to the 4th of May when I stepped off the bed and almost doubled over with the excruciating pain down the back of my leg. “I’ll rest today” I think “I’ll be better tomorrow“. The next morning at 4 am I can’t feel my toes. I look at my husband silently. It doesn’t look good. I call the Nurse-on-Call service to ask what I should do. “You need to go Emergency at once” she says and calls the ambulance service for me. I stay in Emergency for the day and night; the medications don’t seem to solve the problem. They want to transfer me to a ward. My daughter, a doctor, is ready with a list of recommended spine surgeons. There is one at a nearby hospital and thankfully they have a bed for me. I see the surgeon; I like him. They take me for an MRI and then he comes to see me the next day. It’s not good news. He asks, “Surgery or Wheelchair?“. I choose surgery, of course. I go home armed with medications to wait for surgery, but every day is painfilled. That was the 6th of May.

So, today, on the 20th, I see a reduction in pain for the first time in over two weeks. I am grateful. I was very lucky with my surgeon. He is a bit abrupt but also kind. For the eight days I was in the hospital, he does not miss a single day in visiting me, often in scrubs straight after surgery. Blessings come in many guises; mine came in the competency of my surgeon and the care in his heart.

25 May 2023
I have made vast improvements in the last four days. I’m walking around the ward many times a day with a walker. I am taking care of my own hygiene needs, change of clothes etc. I’ve enjoyed visits from the family including my eldest grandson. I’m even enjoying my meals!

In the afternoon, an ambulance arrives to transfer me to a Rehab hospital. I remember the pain filled ambulance ride when I first came to the hospital. This ride is a breeze. I meet a physiotherapist and an occupational therapist; they set up a schedule for me. The ward Physician is a pain specialist. She is very good. The nursing care is equally good.

1 June 2023
Home once more! Oh I’m so glad! I am so much better! I’ve done all the exercises under the supervision of the physio in the gym in Rehab. I have walked and walked in the gym and around the ward; I am up to 4000 steps a day!

6 June 2023
My 4-year-old grandson comes for his day with us. I cook his lunch, glad to be in the kitchen again. He says, “It makes me happy to be with you Patti“. My heart overflows with love. I can’t yet sit up for more than 15-20 mins. It is easier to stand or walk. “Sleep well so you can get strong enough to play with me” are his instructions as he leaves that evening!

17 June 2023
My first walk in the neighbourhood. Just 2500 steps, not much. But outdoors. Yay!

26 June 2023
A day of celebration! My daughter has presented us with one more grandson, her 3rd child and my 4th grandson! We have her 4-and-a-half-year-old and the almost-2-year-old since yesterday. They will be here for 5 days. Our son and daughter-in-law help, and my son-in-law spends his time between the hospital and his children here. I am glad that I am well enough to cope with them. I’ve come a long way since my surgery.

28 Dec 2023
I have made much progress in the past six months. I am almost back to normal, but I do tire easily. I’ve managed to do quite a few 8 km walks but that leaves me worn out so I can’t do it often. I manage almost all the tasks I normally do at home. I’ve kept my mind strong and worked hard at getting better. However, I acknowledge that nothing really was or is in my control and I owe everything to Divine Grace. Thank you, God.

It was my faith which kept me strong this year. Every moment of every day, I am aware of the blessings that God has showered me with. To acknowledge this, I have chosen a Tyagaraja kriti with very apt lyrics. He says, “For those who happily happen to be in residence for even half a minute in Your town, You remove all weariness in their minds and give a lot of wealth, longevity, devotion and vigour/health“. The kriti refers to a particular town, but isn’t His town the one populated by His devotees? Then surely, I too am a resident! Indeed, Tyagaraja has said the truth; I have been blessed with all that he says. If longevity hasn’t been proven yet, no matter, for I am content with whatever it is. Set in the soothing Raga Sahana, the composer’s devotion is palpable across the centuries.

I have chosen a lovely rendition from an old favourite, T.N.Seshagopalan. Enjoy!

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Footnote: Lyrics and Translation

Composer : Tyagaraja
Raga: Sahana
Kshetra: Kovur Sundareshwarar Temple
Language: Telugu
Please note that I do not speak Telugu and depend on various online references for word meanings. As I do not know the Telugu script, I am using Devanagari script.

Note: Notation with chittaswarams available here

पल्लवि
ई वसुध/वसुधा नीवण्टि दैवमु नॆन्दु कानरा

अनुपल्लवि
भावुकमु कल्गि वर्धिल्लु कोवूरि सुन्दरेश गिरीश

चरणम्
आसचे अर निमिषमु नी पुर वासमॊनर जेयु वारि मदि
वेसटलॆल्लनु तॊलगिञ्चि​ धन रासुलनायुवुनु
भूसुर भक्तियु तेजमुनॊसगि भुवनमन्दु कीर्ति कल्ग जेसे
दास वरद त्यागराज हृदय निवास चिद्विलास सुन्दरेश

Transliteration

pallavi
I vasudha/vasudhA nIvaNTi daivamu nendu kAnarA

anupallavi
bhAvukamu kalgi vardhillu kOvUri sundarEsha girIsha

charaNam
AsachE ara nimishamu nI pura vAsamonara jEyu vAri madi
vesaTalellanu tolaginchi dhana rAsulanAyuvunu
bhUsura bhaktiyu tEjamunosagi bhuvanamandu kIrti kalga jEsE
dAsa varada tyAgarAja hRdaya nivAsa chidvilAsa sundarEsha

Translation

Pallavi
In this (I) world (vasudha), a God (daivamunu) like (vaNTi) you (nI) cannot be seen (kAnarA) anywhere (endu).

Anupallavi
O Sundaresha of Kovur town (kOvUri) which has (kalgi) the good fortune (bhAvukamu) of thriving (vardhillu)! O Lord (Isha) of the Mountains (giri)!

Charanam
For those who (implied) happily (AsachE – with desire) happen to (Onara-jEyu) be in residence (vAsamu) for even half a minute (ara nimishamu) in your (nI) town (pura), you (implied) remove (tolaginchi) all weariness (vEsaTalu ellanu) in their (vAri) minds (madi) and give (Osagi) a lot of (rAsulanu) wealth (dhana), longevity (Ayuvunu), devotion (bhaktiyu) and vigour/health (tEjamunu). For your (implied) devotees (dAsa), you give the boon (varada) of bringing about (kalga jEsE) fame (kIrti) in this (andu) world (bhuvanamu). O Lord Sundaresha who lives (nivAsa) in the heart (hRdaya) and shines (viLasa) in the consciousness (chit) of Tyagaraja!